I
have come to realize that in this life, one can be as happy as one wants to be
irrespective of the circumstances and situations one finds oneself in.
The
source of this plan, one that has made me happier and less stressed than any
other resource, is called, The Art Of Living.
It’s a series of short lessons translated from the ancient Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, and it gave me the 3-C Formula for life:
It’s a series of short lessons translated from the ancient Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, and it gave me the 3-C Formula for life:
1. Control what you can
2. Cope with what you can’t
3. Concentrate on what counts
I take this to mean:
You can only control your thoughts, words and deeds. What you say, how
you think, and what you do can make a situation better or worse, so choose
wisely
You can’t control other people or their moods, or the weather, or
traffic. That means we must be prepared to cope with the wild and wacky
ups-and-downs of friends, family, and yes, even the weather. Always remember:
You control your reaction. You can raise your voice, or you can be calm. It's
your choice.)
You must concentrate on what counts.
Focus on what really matters in life, not the things that won’t matter in 3 months, 3 weeks, 3 days, or 3 hours
from now.
But wait
a sec, what really matters?
The
answer, according to science from Harvard University, is that we must focus our
time and energy on people and experiences — these two things matter more than
anything else in life when it comes to our happiness.
In a study that started
all the way back in 1938, and has since tracked over 700 people (including
JFK!), if you want to be happy, don’t chase money or fame. Instead, spend
more time with others that you love.
The most important factor in happiness, long-term health, and wellbeing is: The strength of your relationships with your family, friends, and spouse.
The study has also led
to other interesting findings such as:
The #1 thing you can do
for your health is to avoid smoking.
Alcohol was the primary
cause of divorce.
Alcohol abuse often
precedes depression.
But most importantly…
“The people in the
strongest relationships were protected against chronic disease, mental
illness and memory decline — even if the relationships had ups and downs.
Those good relationships don’t have to be smooth all the time,” said Dr.
Robert Waldinger, the current leader of the research study.
“Some of our octogenarian
couples could bicker day in and day out. But as long as they felt that they
could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments
didn’t take a toll on their memories.”
So what does the Harvard
study suggest we do?
Well, it’s the same sort
of plan I am giving to you now
If you are a
relationship that has gone sour, for you to regain
your Happiness & Relationship
a. Stop trying to have the difficult conversations via email. You must
talk things through face-to-face. When he gets home tonight,
go for a walk. We communicate — and understand one another — better in
person, especially when the conversations are difficult.
b. Once you sort out the issue, do
something new together. The Harvard study recommends livening up stale
relationships with long walks or date nights. My good friends, Bedros and Di
Keuilian, go out every Tuesday for a date
night. It’s one of the foundations of their strong marriage.
c. Don’t ignore conflict. The old saying
about “Never go to bed mad” is great advice that stands the test of time.
This goes for family relationships, too. According to the Harvard study, we
should “reach out to the family member we haven’t spoken to in years —
because those family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the
grudges.”
No one’s perfect, myself
included, and we won’t ever live a life free of conflict, but as long as we
work to strengthen the relationships with our loved ones, and focus on people
and experiences, we’ll live a long, satisfied, and healthy life.
That’s what it’s all about,
not money in the bank, job titles, or hours spent at work.
|
Selah
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