The Wisdom Of Silence - Learning To Talk Less And Say More

“Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours.” ~ Swedish proverb

I remember going out for dinner one night with two of my closest friends but also with this other person whom we just recently met.

And while we were there, I noticed that this person couldn’t stop talking. I mean, she just couldn’t.

She kept going on and on and on and I honestly thought my head was going to explode because of all the noise she was making. I just couldn’t believe that a human being could actually talk so much and breathe so little. 

I was amazed and irritated at the same time. She was talking so much and so loud but her words seemed so empty of meaning. She wasn’t really saying anything. 

You know that quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”

Well, that’s exactly how I felt. I could hear her speak but I couldn’t really understand a word she was saying.

Not because she was speaking a foreign language but because she wasn’t really saying anything.

We do that. A lot of times we just talk and talk but without actually saying anything.

Maybe it’s because we want to feel that we’re heard and that people acknowledge our presence and existence. But is that really the way to go about it? 

Wouldn’t it be wiser to talk less and say more while at the same time immersing ourselves in those moments of silence and allowing them to just be?

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” ~ Plato

It seems to me that a lot of times we talk just so we won’t keep quiet, thinking that silence is something to be ashamed about, something to be avoided.

But it’s not.

There’s nothing wrong with silence. I don’t know how we got this idea that silence is awkward and that it should be avoided at all costs. 

“It has been said that it’s the space between the bars that holds the tiger. And it’s the silence between the notes that makes the music. It is out of the silence, or “the gap,” or that space between our thoughts, that everything is created including our own bliss.” –  Wayne Dyer

Silence is a precious gift. In that space between our words, it’s where we find ourselves. When the mind is quiet, when there are no thoughts and no words to be said, we can hear our own heart talking to us. We can hear our own soul and our own intuition. 

Herman Melville has a really beautiful quote that explains exactly what I mean: “God’s one and only voice are Silence.” 

When we allow ourselves to be quiet, to breathe in and breathe out, without the need to force ourselves into saying another word or think another thought, that’s when we can hear our inner voice, our heart, and intuition. That’s when we can experience our own Divinity, our own beauty, and perfection.

I have learned more from being quiet and from embracing silence than I have learned from thinking and from talking. Silence is my greatest teacher, whispering things in my ear and helping me know things that I won’t be able to discover from anywhere else. 

“Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.” ~ Francis Bacon

I honestly believe that the reason why so many of us are under so much stress is because we haven’t yet learned how to quiet our minds and embrace silence. We haven’t yet learned to appreciate and see the value and the wisdom that comes from being quiet.

Who says that you have to be thinking and you have to be talking all the time? Who says that it’s not okay to have moments when you just don’t have anything to say? Who says that you should be talking nonstop even when you don’t have anything valuable to say?

“He who does not know how to be silent will not know how to speak.” – Ausonius

Learn to talk less, say more. When you use your words, use them because they will brighten someone’s day and because they will teach people something valuable. Don’t just use words for the sake of using them. Use them because you have something to say.

“Much talking is the cause of danger. Silence is the means of avoiding misfortune. The talkative parrot is shut up in a cage. Other birds, without speech, fly freely about.” ~ Saskya Pandita 

** Do you believe that we can only communicate by using words? Do you think silence is something to be avoided? When you are alone with someone, if there are moments when none of you has anything to say does that silence make you feel uncomfortable? I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below 

Source:     PurposeFairy

12 Communication Habits Made This Former Hooters Hostess a Billion-Dollar-Brand President at 32

BY KEVIN DAUM

Inc. 500 entrepreneur and best-selling author

As group President for Focus Brands, Kat Cole is quickly growing the global retail channels of Cinnabon, Carvel, and Auntie Anne's franchisees. Learn her tips for influencing thousands.

Kat Cole has moved up the corporate ladder at an exceptional rate. At age 17, she began her career as a Hooters hostess to save for college, and by 19 was asked by the company to trot the globe and help open foreign markets. Four years later, she was in charge of global training and helped lead Hooters' growth from 100 to more than 400 locations internationally. At the age of 32, she became the president of the Cinnabon franchise and led its growth to a billion-dollar brand. Now, as group president ofFocus Brands, she is rapidly growing not only Cinnabon but also Auntie Anne's, Moe's, Carvel, and three other brands through global retail channels.

Cole's path to success has been no accident. If you saw her on Undercover Boss, you know she is fun, charming, and extremely approachable. An active member of theYoung Presidents' Organization, she is deft at managing not only employees but also the delicate relationships with strategic partners, and the entrepreneurs who run individual franchises. This combined with being an investor and adviser to startups has taught Cole that the key to building great working relationships is extraordinarycommunication. Here she shares the 12 communication habits that allow her to maintain her meteoric and influential rise.

1. "Focus on trust first, then results."

So many executives are results driven at the expense of their customer and employee relationships. Cole insists the approach should be the other way around. "Having many different teams in many different countries taught me to build trust fast. That starts by giving, and demonstrating that you are there for them, not for you. Something as simple as bringing coffee, tea, or treats demonstrates you've thought of them first. Or asking a question about how they got there, their biggest challenge, or greatest success not only gives you insight into the person with whom you are communicating, it begins to build a relationship: the foundation of most effective and open communication."

2. "Go to the frontlines!"

Cole insists that too many executives stay in the ivory tower and become unintentionally insolated from their employees, customers, and operations. She is adamant. "Find the action and follow it! Few actions give you as great of a return on effort as spending time where the transaction happens," Cole explains. "Whether that is at the call center, in the store, or on the road, the emotional and environmental drivers for successful business are felt most directly during the customer experiencearound the sale. If you only look at aggregated research or listen to the feedback of those closest to you, that reality moves farther away from the real world today."

3. "Have repetition on every level."

When working with many companies, employees, and even countries, it's important to communicate efficiently to keep the information consistent. Cole says, "Ask thesame questions, to every level and every stakeholder, in a compressed amount of time. This will help patterns, issues, and opportunities emerge quickly." Once you're able to identify the issues, you can use the time you saved to problem solve and follow leads.

4. "Say why."

Often executives maintain a sense of intimidation by barking orders or suddenly changing process and simply expecting everyone to just willingly execute. Cole takes a different approach: "If I come in and ask an employee, 'What time did you get in today?' I could send many different messages. Instead I would say, 'I’m working on making sure the schedule is meeting the needs of the business. Can you tell me what time you typically come in, and if that gives you enough time to set up?' It removes most opportunity for negative misinterpretation and allows the energy to staypositively focused on work and the topic at hand."

5. "Assume positive intent."

A cynical outlook can be detrimental for executives wanting optimal productivity. Cole insists on assuming the best but being prepared for reality. "Of course, I know there's a chance intentions aren't always positive, and on more than one occasion I've had to share, 'Don't confuse my kindness for stupidity or naiveté.' But when you view people, a situation, and the world for what they can become, individuals tend to rise up toward the expectation."

6. "Trust your Spidey senses."

Cole understands that many people won't naturally open up with issues, especially with senior management. She is hyper-aware and always looking to make difficult communication easier. She explains, "When I see a confused, pensive, or frustrated look, I ask questions like these:

1. I would love to know your thoughts.

2. I can tell something's on your mind. I value your thinking--what's up?

3. It doesn't look like you're loving this idea. What are you thinking?

It's better to call it out and get past it than let someone's questions or lack of alignment become a distraction."