The Golden Rule... In Reverse

The Golden Rule says you should treat others as you wish to be treated.

Let’s reverse that for second: treat yourself the kind way you often treat others.

Want to be more self-compassionate? It’s easy. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who was having problems. Kristin Neff, a professor at the University of Texas at Austin and the author of Self-Compassion, says:

One easy way to be self-compassionate is just ask yourself, “What if I had a very close friend who was experiencing the exact same thing that I am experiencing now?” The idea is you use that same quality of warmth, support, encouragement, tenderness, understanding with yourself that you more typically show to other people.

Sound silly? Tell that to the Navy SEALs. Positive self-talk is one of the methods that showed the best results in helping them get through their incredibly difficult training.

Talking to yourself out loud can make you smarter, improve your memory, help you focus and even increase athletic performance.

Maybe you’re not buying it. Talking to yourself not doing it for you? Imagine someone who loves you saying the kind words instead. Research shows this delivers serious results.

From Self-Compassion:

Practitioners first instruct patients to generate an image of a safe place to help counter any fears that may arise. They are then instructed to create an ideal image of a caring and compassionate figure… The training resulted in significant reductions in depression, self-attacking, feelings of inferiority, and shame.

You forgive others all the time. You need to start forgiving yourself more often.

Seriously, it’s not easy but don’t give up. In fact, at first, being self-compassionate can be hard. Why?

You need to admit you screwed up. Being self-compassionate means you can’t be in denial or rationalize. And that hurts at first. Ironically, becoming self-compassionate requires self-compassion.

But it’s not a paradox. It’s like a muscle. Exercise it and it will grow.

Here’s Kristin:

The practice itself has to be approached in a self-compassionate manner. It’s a slow process. It can feel like you’re doing it wrong somehow. In fact it’s very important to know this is part of the natural healing process.

Stop beating yourself up. Admit you made a mistake. And then treat yourself kindly like you would a friend who screwed up.

As Kristin explains in her book:

Who is the only person in your life who is available 24/7 to provide you with care and kindness? You.

Listen To Yourself FIRST

Are you one of those who want to please all persons?

Are you the type of person who would take the advise of another even against their own better judgement?

Are you fond of always running to a 2nd or even 3rd person before deciding on what would be good for you?

Then, you would surely benefit from this story written by an #Unknown #Author

Here is the story

"Doctor, don’t worry. I know I am going to die. I didn’t want to come here but they brought me here.

Please don’t worry about me, look at my hair, they are gone. I am so old but you are so young. 

I have learnt a lot from life, if you don’t mind I will tell you some of them before I die.

When I was 4 years, I used to think the world is about me.

When I turned 14, I wanted to rule the world. I thought I would be the greatest man that ever lived.

When I was 21, I wanted to be the richest man,

when I was 25, I wanted to find love,

when I was 40, I wanted to be helpful to everyone.

Now that I am here, I want to die.

You see, I wanted so many things at so many times.

Most importantly, I wanted to be happy. I thought the best way to be happy is to listen to others.

When I wanted to enter the University, I wanted to study Zoology but everyone said I should study Engineering that I will be a great Engineer.

So I listened to them.

I had no one to pay my fees, I had to work and also pay my fees.

In my third year, I couldn’t cope with my studies, I had to drop.

When I dropped, the same people told me "you should have studied Zoology"!

When I turned 28, everyone said I should marry.

That I needed a wife.

So I listened to them, I got married.

6 years into the marriage, I caught my wife sleeping with my neighbour.

I asked her why and she slapped me. I was angry and didn’t say anything. The next day I returned from work, she had run away with my children, now I am dying a lonely man.

At 40, I got a huge contract. My name was in the news.

The next day, all my friends and families were at my house, everyone had a serious problem.

Within one week, I spent all the money on them with the promise that they will pay back.

I could not complete the contract because they refused to return the money as promised. So I was sent to jail for 6 years. I stayed in jail and I came out. When I came out, they were nowhere.

There was one mistake I made through all this time.

Now it is clear to me.

Let me tell you about it.

I refused to listen to myself.

I ignored my own self and listened to others.

Now that I am here the only person that is with me is myself.

You see, it is very good to listen to others. It is very wise to seek advice from others.

But it is very dangerous to ignore your own self. It is very very dangerous to refuse to pay attention to your heart.

When you get home this night, sit down, take a glass of water. Close your eyes if you want or open it if you want, then talk to yourself, reason with yourself. You can walk down the road alone and as you walk, begin to talk to yourself.

The only person that can overrule yourself is God, after God, listen to yourself next.

I know it may not make sense to you now but always remember I told you LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOURSELF."

Author Unknown