3 Ways To Stop Beating Yourself Up

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when you make a mistake, as you are bound to sometimes, even when sometimes you say yes when you really meant to say NO, do you tend to think nasty things to yourself…about yourself?

When you’re hard on yourself and carry feelings of anger, guilt and shame when experiencing setbacks and obstacles, it makes the journey to a healthy life all the more burdensome.

Many of the women I work with have the tendency to be harsh with themselves when things don’t go as planned. They carry the blame and punishment unnecessarily. This conditioned reaction is one that can be unlearned, and should be, because of the impact it’s having on your emotional wellbeing and your health.

You may not realize how dangerous it is to harbor feelings of resentment, regret or shame. These emotions carry with them the power to alter your hormones, chemistry and metabolism. One toxic emotion can create acid and inflammation in the body while you’re doing everything else you can to get healthy.

It’s an easy way to delay the results you want because you’re working against your body when beating yourself up. 

I have personally had to learn how important it is not to dwell on mistakes or be too hard on myself for pretty much anything.

It’s given me more freedom in my life to live in the present and for the future, instead of focusing on my past. It’s also allowed my body to heal and regularly replenish itself with energy and vitality because I’m not holding onto emotional baggage.

If you want to learn how to easily let things go and allow your body to unload its burdens (trust me, whatever you’re holding onto internally is showing up in your weight or health…or both), follow these 3 steps…



You can’t stop beating yourself up without having something to do instead. It’s a learned behavior that we automatically begin doing once we’re triggered by a person, an event or a decision we’ve made. Think of how you’d like to respond when things don’t go well. Would you like to be kind to yourself?

How would you respond to a good friend in the same situation? Decide how you want to be treated in these situations and respond accordingly the next time something happens. Trust me, it won’t be easy, and that’s okay. You’re teaching yourself a new pattern, and it will take time.

Focus on what you can do now. A lot of times we are overly harsh with ourselves through thoughts and words because we’re still dwelling on the past…even the “past” from 5 minutes ago. It doesn’t matter what’s happened, this is now. Take responsibility where you need to, and decide what you will do from here.

That’s really all that matters. Unless you want to continue repeating the same mistakes, learn the lesson and make a decision that will benefit your future. Say you’re sorry when necessary, and don’t apologize otherwise. Give yourself some leeway and forgiveness instead.



Recognize the bigger picture. Many times when we are in the middle of a problem, we don’t realize that there’s more than meets the eye. There are things going on “behind the scenes” that we couldn’t possibly know about; things conspiring for our benefit. Yet, we tend to only look at the issue or the mistake we’ve made instead of pausing and considering the fact that this may, indeed, be the key to our success.

If you look back on your life, you’ll notice times when things didn’t go as planned, and they still led you to a great person, lesson or life event. Problems are a part of life, and when you trust that they, too, have a part in your amazing future, you won’t worry about them or resist them.

You’ll embrace them as much as you do the good things that happen. 

Beating yourself up through your thoughts, words and actions is a toxic habit and one you can overcome. You can learn new ways of reacting by practicing the 3 steps above.

It’s important to remember that being too hard on yourself doesn’t serve you. It can actually blind us from seeing the bigger picture of what’s happening in our lives. Trust that things will work out and be kind to yourself. You’ll see in no time how this will impact your moods, energy and ability to be fit and healthy.

Action Step: Start with step 1, and decide how you want to treat yourself instead of the usual.

Then, practice! And seriously, don’t beat yourself up for forgetting to not beat yourself up. If you don’t remember to be gracious with yourself, try again the next time…and again and again until it’s ingrained.

-Katie Humphre