Of Paradoxes And Problems!!!!

Do You Want Success?

Two Things Holding You Back in Life

Most people who want success in life don’t realize there are two obstacles they must first overcome.

These two obstacles are paradoxes and problems.

Seth Godin wrote about them on his blog:

A problem is open to a solution. That’s what makes it a problem.

A paradox, on the other hand, is gated by boundaries that make a solution impossible.

Making significant forward motion without offending anyone or exposing yourself to fear is a paradox. 

But once you’re willing to relax those boundaries, it becomes a problem, one with side effects you’re willing to live with.

This got me thinking…

A lot of you reading this blog post are stuck in a paradox of some sort.

Maybe you…

… want to be rich, but you’re afraid of what your family and friends might think about your desire for money.

… want to lose weight, but you’re afraid of the backlash you’ll get from those closest to you when you tell them you’re skipping dessert tonight.

… want a promotion at work, but you’re afraid of what your coworkers will say when they see you coming in early.

These are all paradoxes.

Your problems could be:

How do I make 6 figures in 12 months?

How can I lose 1-2 lbs every week for the next 6 months?

How can I get leverage on my boss so he’ll give me more responsibility?

Before you can start solving your problem, you need to overcome your paradox.

Imagine your paradox as a box and inside the box, there’s a piece of paper with your problem written on it. Your goal, right now, is to open the box so you can pull out the piece of paper.

You can’t solve your problem until you know exactly what your problem is, and this exercise will help you figure that out.

How to Open the Box

Mark McGuiness from 99U says there are three classic versions of fear of success:

1.    Fear of not coping with success

2.    Fear of selling out

3.    Fear of becoming someone else

Overcoming these three fears will relax the boundaries (open the box) moving you to phase two, where you can start working on solving your problem.

Mark recommends you deal with these three fears like this:

Fear of Not Coping with Success

“Success is more complex than failure. On some level, it’s more comfortable to stay in a familiar situation, even if it doesn’t feel great on the surface. But achieving success (however you define it) means you are entering uncharted territory. You are putting yourself out there to be scrutinized and criticized, and exposing yourself to new pressures and demands. It’s only human to wonder whether you’ll be up to the challenge. A small anxious part of you would rather not take the risk.”

What to do about it:

“Although the idea of success can be scary, the reality is generally easier to cope with than what you had before. If you’ve been resourceful enough to keep yourself going during the tough times, you’ll probably be able to do the same with the good times. Remind yourself of all the extra resources success will bring you:

·  A boost to your confidence

·  A bigger, more powerful network

·  A healthier bank balance

·  A growing reputation that opens new doors

Fear of Selling Out

“Whatever choices you make, if you achieve any kind of public success, it’s a sad fact that someone, somewhere will be thinking (and even saying) nasty things about you — including accusations of selling out.”

What to do about it:

“Firstly, accept that you’ll never please everyone. Backbiting is part of the price of success. Secondly, make sure you are comfortable with your choices. Make a list of all the things you would consider “selling out,” and which you’re not prepared to do. Then keep the list handy. As long as you don’t do the things on that list, you can look yourself in the mirror. Whatever anyone else says about you.”

Fear of Becoming Someone Else

“Because we habitually put successful people on pedestals, the idea of becoming “one of them” can feel daunting. You start to worry that you’ll turn into someone else, a person your friends and family won’t recognize — and won’t like. This fear has some foundation in reality. After all, if you were satisfied with the person you are now, why would you want to change? But it’s also founded on a false premise: that change is about leaving your old self behind and replacing it with a completely new one. Change is more complex than that. You are definitely more complex than that.”

What to do about it:

“Instead of thinking about change in terms of subtraction (losing your old self) think of it in terms of addition. You are about to discover and develop new facets to your personality — adding to who you are and what you bring to the world. 

Getting used to your new role will feel tingly and exciting. And you can still be the person you’ve always been to family and friends. Spending time with them will feel like slipping on your old comfy jeans after spending time in your trendy new clothes. More selves = more choices and a richer life.”

OK, if you’ve followed Mark’s advice, you’ve now opened the box and have access to the piece of paper with your problem.

You might be thinking, ‘I already know what my problem is, why did I need to open the box in the first place?’ The box was working against you. Now with the box gone, there’s nothing impeding your chances of solving your problem. You can focus all your energy on finding a solution.

The good news is the solution to accumulating wealth, sculpting the body of your dreams, or securing a promotion all start with setting up systems in your life that make these outcomes inevitable.

Should you have a need to fix your life or need an assistance, do get in touch with us, we run a Life Coaching Program which has tremendously affected the lives of thousands of people

By Nick Papple

7 Days Goodness Challenge

A friend recently came to me for advice.  His brother had been 'in a funk,' and needed something to lift his spirits.  Together, we decided on a 7-Day Goodness Challenge.  Each brother is holding the other accountable to take action on each of these goals.  Please join them.  Do one "goodness act" each day.  Let me know how it changes your outlook on life.  1) Perform a random act of kindness... buying coffee for the person behind you at Starbucks, buy flowers for the office, etc.  2) Connect with an old friend... someone you haven't seen in 5 years  3) Make a career connection between two good people you know  4) Do 3 minutes of mid-day meditation  5) Volunteer to walk a friends dog  6) Mail a thank you card to someone  7) Make a donation to food bank Gratitude is just one of many ways to ensure Perfect Days By Craig Ballantyne

Be The Real Authentic You

"The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." -- C.G.Jung

It took me a long time to really "get" that.

By discovering your genuine, authentic self, a world of potential suddenly unlocks.

Being your authentic self means you're no longer struggling internally. Instead, everything just slots into place -- and you're ready to conquer the world.

My Friend, let me ask you:

Do you really... no, REALLY... know who you are?

Are you being truly authentic in your daily life?

If not, ask yourself: What could you stop worrying about, which could help you be even more authentic and in-line with your purpose?

And write back to me to tell me about it

To your success --

#DrJTF

The 3Cs Formula For Life

I have come to realize that in this life, one can be as happy as one wants to be irrespective of the circumstances and situations one finds oneself in.

The source of this plan, one that has made me happier and less stressed than any other resource, is called, The Art Of Living.

It’s a series of short lessons translated from the ancient Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, and it gave me the 3-C Formula for life:

1.      Control what you can

2.      Cope with what you can’t

3.      Concentrate on what counts

I take this to mean:

You can only control your thoughts, words and deeds. What you say, how you think, and what you do can make a situation better or worse, so choose wisely

You can’t control other people or their moods, or the weather, or traffic. That means we must be prepared to cope with the wild and wacky ups-and-downs of friends, family, and yes, even the weather. Always remember: You control your reaction. You can raise your voice, or you can be calm. It's your choice.)

You must concentrate on what counts. Focus on what really matters in life, not the things that won’t matter in 3 months, 3 weeks, 3 days, or 3 hours from now.

But wait a sec, what really matters?

The answer, according to science from Harvard University, is that we must focus our time and energy on people and experiences — these two things matter more than anything else in life when it comes to our happiness.

In a study that started all the way back in 1938, and has since tracked over 700 people (including JFK!), if you want to be happy, don’t chase money or fame. Instead, spend more time with others that you love. The most important factor in happiness, long-term health, and wellbeing is: The strength of your relationships with your family, friends, and spouse. The study has also led to other interesting findings such as: The #1 thing you can do for your health is to avoid smoking. Alcohol was the primary cause of divorce. Alcohol abuse often precedes depression. But most importantly… “The people in the strongest relationships were protected against chronic disease, mental illness and memory decline — even if the relationships had ups and downs. Those good relationships don’t have to be smooth all the time,” said Dr. Robert Waldinger, the current leader of the research study. “Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker day in and day out. But as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn’t take a toll on their memories.” So what does the Harvard study suggest we do? Well, it’s the same sort of plan I am giving to you now If you are a relationship that has gone sour, for you to regain your Happiness & Relationship a.     Stop trying to have the difficult conversations via email. You must talk things through face-to-face. When he gets home tonight, go for a walk. We communicate — and understand one another — better in person, especially when the conversations are difficult. b.     Once you sort out the issue, do something new together. The Harvard study recommends livening up stale relationships with long walks or date nights. My good friends, Bedros and Di Keuilian, go out every Tuesday for a date night. It’s one of the foundations of their strong marriage. c.     Don’t ignore conflict. The old saying about “Never go to bed mad” is great advice that stands the test of time. This goes for family relationships, too. According to the Harvard study, we should “reach out to the family member we haven’t spoken to in years — because those family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.” No one’s perfect, myself included, and we won’t ever live a life free of conflict, but as long as we work to strengthen the relationships with our loved ones, and focus on people and experiences, we’ll live a long, satisfied, and healthy life. That’s what it’s all about, not money in the bank, job titles, or hours spent at work.

Selah

Tomorrow Is Never Promised

I woke up this morning with this thought burning in my heart and that thought is "the fact that most people tend to postpone happiness to a time when they are properly positioned and balanced to be able to enjoy it" and I was like, what the heck!!!!

Happiness is not a commodity that can be kept in the shelf and then brought out once in a while to be cleaned and admired.

Happiness is not in the things we obsessively possess, oh yes those might bring us some happiness but that is temporary

Happiness is actually in our DNA because when God created man, He gave him the marching orders and in those orders was contained the blueprint for happiness.

Invariably therefore, happiness is on our inside, it streams from who we are, it is a lifestyle and that lifestyle is shown in our everyday living.

Postponing happiness to tomorrow or to some time in the future when we have gathered all that we want to gather is not in comformity with the marching orders given to man by God.

And this is because tomorrow is not promised, here is one thing that God hid from mankind, to know when and how they would pass away from this sphere.

Passing away from this space is neither age dependent nor is it gender or class dependent.

Tomorrow rests with the Lord, today is all that we have and even that today is just the minute that we are still breathing and so while we have the opportunity to live, let's be happy for who we are, for what we have and for what we have become.

For as long as a man is still alive, there are things to be done, goals to be met, dreams to be dreamt of and hurdles to jump over.

Let this thought be in your mind, that happiness is intrinsic and should always be expressed irrespective of what is happening around and about.

Always be happy

#DrJTF

On Which Side Of The Divide Are You?

How To Make Money As A Teen

From Steve Jobs

Watch This Video

This sure makes loads of sense.

Watch the video and let's discuss it

Oh How Beautiful

Something Worth Knowing

Where Are You Focusing?

The Staircase To Heaven?

Ready. Set. Go.

At the blast of the whistle, you take off.

You're sprinting as fast as you can.

You take long strides and push through the pressure of the 

wind that hits your face.

You stare straight ahead, completely focused on your 

target, the end of the 400-meter race track.

As an 8 year old, this is the biggest day of your life so 

far. You've trained so hard for months and finally the 

moment is here, right now.

The sun blasts on your bare skin; you hear the muffled 

sound of parents screaming words of encouragement.

Completely focused, you finally make it. You lose 

track of time, and for a second you don't even realize 

you've won.

But when it hits you, you've never felt such a rush. Every 

cell of your body feels proud.

You feel unbeatable, unstoppable and unbreakable.

If you won this race, you can accomplish anything. 

There's nothing that can stand in your way. Nothing 

that can hold you back. No one that can ever question 

your capabilities. And no goal too big to attack.

Fast forward to today, right to this very second.

Don't you wish you could draw on that fearless energy 

and jaw-dropping power that ensures you can conquer 

any goal you approach?

Don't you wish you could access this secret weapon 

to be almost instantly successful at anything you choose?

Believe it or not, the answer is as simple as it was 

when you were 8 years old. You just need to let it in...

But there's something important you need to know.

It doesn't matter what age you are, where you're from or if you've ever won a 

sprint race before.

What matters is that you're ready to embrace all the wonderful things the world is ready to give you

Are you ready for the ultimate fulfillment in life?

Hola at me

Imo/Whatsapp:     0705-994-9508

#DrJTF

She Slapped Me in Front Of Her Parents

Written by Alden Tan

A while back, I was dating this girl who was extremely toxic.

She was a mode. Sure, she was gorgeous, on the outside.

She appeared on magazine covers and on TV.

But she held every stereotype there was to a bitchy, self-entitled

model.

She was rude to customer service staff, be it the cab driver,

cashier or waiter. No really, it was super embarrassing to be with her

outside. She screamed at a waiter once and I was like... okay.

She was rude to her own parents. She actually said, "Fuck you!" to her 

dad once in front of me. I was like.... okay.

She was emotional and dramatic. Every time we had a tiny squabble,

she would say she wanted to break up. I was like... okay.

Okay.

Then the worst happen when we were close to breaking up. We had

a huge fight. 

She asked to meet me at her house.

I went over.

And while I wasn't looking, BAM! She slapped me in front of her parents.

Her parents were so mad. They scolded her.

I was calm. I didn't want to create a scene in front of her parents. It was only right.

We talked things out. We tried to work out. But eventually we broke up.

In hindsight, I should have walked out on her there and then. 

That's the thing my friend.

You should never take shit from somebody like that. It's dumb.

When somebody is so toxic and negative, they will never add value to you or your life.

They will only make you unhappy.

There's a limit you know? Don't put up with so much shit even though

you guys are in a relationship.

Lesson for the day:

Have the balls to break away from a toxic relationship-

If it's loveless and abusive, walk away. 

It's going nowhere. It will only end badly. Trust me.

You deserve only love in your life.

You don't want to wake up with somebody you don't love

for the rest of your life.