Response Magic 
By: Travis Bradberry
True confidence has a look
all its own.
Confidence takes many
forms, from the arrogance of Floyd Mayweather to the quiet self-assurance of
Jane Goodall.
True confidence -- as
opposed to the false confidence people project to mask their insecurities --
has a look all its own.
And truly confident people
always have the upper hand over the doubtful and the skittish because they
inspire others and make things happen.
"Whether you think you
can, or you think you can't, you're right." -- Henry Ford
Ford's notion that your
mentality has a powerful effect on your success is manifest in the results
of a recent study at the University of Melbourne that showed confident people
went on to earn higher wages and get promoted more quickly than others.
Learning to be confident
is clearly important, but what is it that truly confident people do that sets
them apart from everyone else?
I did some digging to
uncover the 12 cardinal habits of truly confident people, so you can
incorporate these behaviors into your repertoire.
1. They get their happiness from within.
Happiness is a critical
element of confidence, because in order to be confident in what you do, you have to be happy with who you are.
People who brim with
confidence derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction from their own
accomplishments, as opposed to what other people think of their accomplishments.
They know that no matter
what anyone says, you're never as good or as bad as people say you are.
2. They don't pass judgment.
Confident people don't pass
judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and
they don't need to take other people down a notch to feel good about
themselves.
Comparing yourself to
other people is limiting. Confident people don't waste time sizing up people
and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.
3. They don't say yes
unless they really want to.
Research conducted at the
University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty
you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and
even depression.
Confident people know that
saying no is healthy, and they have the self-esteem to make their nos clear.
When it's time to say no,
confident people avoid phrases such as "I don't think I can" or
"I'm not certain."
They say no with
confidence because they know that saying no to a new commitment honors their
existing commitments and gives them the opportunity to successfully fulfill
them.
4. They listen more than
they speak.
People with confidence listen
more than they speak because they don't feel as though they have anything to
prove.
Confident people know that
by actively listening and paying attention to others, they are more likely to
learn and grow.
Instead of seeing
interactions as opportunities to prove themselves, they focus on the
interaction itself, because they know this is a far more enjoyable and
productive approach to people.
5. They speak with certainty.
It's rare to hear the truly
confident utter phrases such as "Um," "I'm not sure," and
"I think."
Confident people speak
assertively because they know it's difficult to get people to listen if you
can't deliver your ideas with conviction.
6. They seek out small
victories.
Confident people like to
challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield small
victories.
One possible reason?
Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain
responsible for reward and motivation.
The increase in androgen
receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases
confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges.
When you have a series of
small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.
7. They exercise.
A study conducted at the
Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that people who exercised twice a week
for 10 weeks felt more competent socially, academically, and athletically.
They also rated their body
image and self-esteem higher. Best of all, rather than the physical changes in
their bodies being responsible for the uptick in confidence, it was the
immediate, endorphin-fueled positivity from exercise that made all the
difference.
8. They don't seek
attention.
People are turned off by those
who are desperate for attention.
The truly confident know
that being yourself is more effective than trying to prove you're important.
People tend to read
attitude quickly, and they're more attracted to the right kind of attitude
than what, or how many, people you know.
Confident people always
seem to bring the right attitude.
Confident people are
masters of attention diffusion.
When they're receiving
attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people
who worked hard to help get them there.
They don't crave approval
or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.
9. They aren't afraid to
be wrong.
Confident people aren't afraid
to be proven wrong.
They like putting their
opinions out there because they learn a lot from the times when they're wrong,
and other people learn from them when they're right. Self-assured people know
what they are capable of and don't treat being wrong as a personal slight.
10. They stick their necks
out.
When confident people see an
opportunity, they take it. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, they
ask themselves, "What's stopping me? Why can't I do that?" and they
go for it.
Fear doesn't hold them
back because they know that if they never try, they will never succeed.
11. They celebrate other
people.
Insecure people constantly
doubt their relevance, and because of this, they try to steal the spotlight and
criticize others in order to prove their worth.
Confident people, on the
other hand, aren't worried about their relevance because they draw their
self-worth from within.
Instead of insecurely
focusing inward, confident people focus outward, which allows them to see all
the wonderful things that other people bring to the table.
Praising people for their
contributions is a natural result of this.
12. They aren't afraid to
ask for help.
Confident people know that
asking other people for help won't make them seem weak or unintelligent.
They know their strengths
and weaknesses, and they look to others to fill the gaps.
They also know that
learning from someone with more expertise is a great way to improve.
Bringing it all together.
Building confidence is a
journey, not a destination.
Please share your thoughts
on the matter in the comments section below, as I learn just as much from you
as you do from me.
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