Response Magic 
It may seem that some
people are naturally charming, but the art of influencing others can be
learned.
Here's how:
Real
influence rarely comes from title or position.
It comes from
understanding people and their deepest, most fundamental wants and needs.
Everyone
at some level wants to be heard, understood, and appreciated.
While
it appears that some people have a natural ability or charm that allows them to
have a great deal of influence, the art of influencing others can be developed.
All
we need is a basic understanding of what other people want, and to be
constantly aware of this in our dealings.
Here are seven ways we can increase our influence.
1. DEVELOP
LISTENING ABILITIES
Whether or not
you agree with someone, realize that they have a need to be heard. In order for
them to feel like they have been heard, we need to really listen.
Most
people are busy thinking of a response, a rebuttal, or what they want to talk
about to really pay attention to what the other person is saying.
One
way of increasing listening skills is to repeat back to them in your own words
what they just said. If not clear, ask questions.
Good
listening requires us to overcome the urge to think ahead to what we want to
say and stay focused on the person speaking.
2. FOLLOW
NONVERBAL CUES
When two people
are intensely connected in conversation, they tend to model each other’s
nonverbal cues, such as smiling, moving toward the other, and making a great
deal of eye contact.
These
actions make the person we are speaking with more open to our ideas and
influence. The comfort level increases, and they feel that we get them.
3. RECOGNIZE
OTHER PEOPLE'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Everyone
appreciates being acknowledged for something that they did well and have pride
in.
Acknowledging
those accomplishments will ensure that you will be remembered positively. It's
important to be sincere in the acknowledgement.
If
the recognition is seen to be superficial or phony, it will damage the
relationship and result in distrust of the person giving it.
Being
seen as someone who truly appreciates them will elevate you in their eyes and
put you in a category above all the people who haven’t noticed them.
Next time someone
asks you for advice or assistance, notice what it feels like.
Asking
for advice or a favor from someone is an indication that you value their
knowledge and hold them in high regard.
Everyone
has an area of knowledge or expertise that they are proud of, and asking them
to share it gives their confidence a boost.
It
also raises our status level in their mind—we are someone who is able to
recognize the value of what they have to offer.
5. USE PEOPLE'S
NAMES AND REMEMBER PERSONAL DETAILS
The most
beautiful-sounding work in our vocabulary is the sound of our own names.
Remembering
someone’s name and greeting them by using it is Influence 101.
At
a basic level, if someone remembers our name, it means that we have made enough
of an impression that they took the time and effort to remember it.
The
more significant information we can remember about people, the stronger
impression we will make and the more influential we become to them.
6. LET SOMEONE
KNOW YOU HAVE FAITH IN THEM
Virtually all
people who have become successful have had to overcome adversity, and can name
someone who challenged them to rise above their present circumstances and
become the person they were capable of.
These
people never forget the person or persons who expected more of them and pushed
them to go beyond their boundaries and comfort zone.
It naturally
makes us feel good about ourselves when someone expects great things from us,
and we will be inclined to strive to prove them right.
We
will see it as a challenge, and our self-worth and confidence will make us want
to give our best.
7. LOOK FOR
THINGS YOU HAVE IN COMMON
Regardless of our
differences, if we look long enough, we will find something that we share with
virtually everyone. If we find out what that is, we can develop stronger
connections with the people that we wish to have a greater influence with.
In
preparation for meeting with someone, we can learn the latest in the area of
common interest so that we both have something to get the conversation off to a
positive start and flowing in the right direction.
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